There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize