Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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