I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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