how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
