dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
vagina is talking i cant
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
