Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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