I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
