I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
