Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
