4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
