she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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