Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
