You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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