She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
