Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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