i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
