My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize