well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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