It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
