at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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