don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
