Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
