After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
