So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
