I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
