someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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