Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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