Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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