How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
