I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
