I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize