you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
