I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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