The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
His nipple licking is glorious
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