This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
