I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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