apparently the secret to your success is patron
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
