I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
