I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
