How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
