She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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