so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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