Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
