All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
