You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
