I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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