69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
