May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
