pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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