omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
