Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He has the fingertips of a God
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