Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize