we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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