Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
