Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
