Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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