I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just found puke in my bra..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize