I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
