it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
