I wish you could order shots online.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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