Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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