your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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