Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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