Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize